Category: Media

“The Emperor’s New Clothes”

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning!

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! The King is simply mad about new clothes and stops in at the Royal Tailor’s shop several times a day. He loves to buy gorgeous suits and cloaks and fur-lined boots. His obsession makes him cruel, though, and he mistreats servants who muss his clothing. He even had one man minced and turned into margarine! The people longed to get rid of him. A dozen brainy men formulate a plan and convince the Tailor to go along with it. The next time the King stops in, the Tailor tells him about some marvelous new cloth he’s just had imported from Tibet. It’s magical and will keep you warm even in the icy cold. As the King enjoys to ski every day, he orders the Tailor to make him a ski suit of this material. He asks to see it and the Tailor tells him it’s before him. The King complains of not being able to see it until the Tailor tells him that the cloth appears invisible to fools and nincompoops. On that cue, the dozen men come in and rave about the unseen cloth. The King falls for their trick. The next day the Tailor comes to outfit the King in his new skiing suit. They tell him that he doesn’t need to wear any undergarments, so he strips naked. The men are smart and have turned up the central heating, so the King sweats and believes he is wearing the warm cloth. Just then the Queen and her ladies of retinue come strolling through. Most avert their eyes, but some seem to enjoy seeing the, uh, “royal treasures.” The King then cries, “Now I’m off to ski!” and heads for the mountain, oblivious to the freezing weather. In half an hour he was frozen solid and the people all cheered.

“Dick Whittington and His Cat”

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! Dick Whittington had often been told that London’s streets were paved with gold. So he and his faithful headed for the city. Dick quickly got a job working as a pantry-boy to Lord and Lady Hellespont. Unfortunately Dick’s cat made daily messes on the floor, which enraged Lord Hellespont. His Lordship fetched his gun and began stalking the cat through the house. Unfortunately his shot missed and struck Lady Hellespont – who’d been embracing a footman on the portico – right in the rump. The noise caused Dick to break a cup in the kitchen, for which he was beaten by the cook. When he finally escaped, he met up with the cat and Lady Hellespont in the street. They’re all about to run when Dick hears the Bells of Bow proclaim that he will be Lord Mayor of London. Before he gets too excited, Lady Hellespont points out that Bow church has a crazy vicar who’s rigged up speakers in the street to fool dim-witted country people. “Listen, you poor misguided youth,” she says. “In London no one tells the truth!” Then she says she prefers Dick to the footman she’d been embracing and suggests they team up. The cat warns him against getting involved with an upper-class female. Just then Lord Hellespont bursts from the house and shoots her in the rump again. She accuses him of doing it deliberately, but he says he’s just trying to hit the cat. Dick pulls out his sword and runs it through the Lord. The Lady is happy and again suggests that Dick come with her. The cat urges him not to succumb and the two of them head home, deciding that whoever said London’s streets were paved with gold was telling awful lies.

“The Dentist and the Crocodile”

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! A dentist is petrified when a crocodile plops down in his office and requests to have his teeth repaired. “I want you,” the Crocodile declared, “to do the back ones first.” He opens his huge jaws to show at least three hundred sharp white pointed teeth. The dentist stands two yards away and tries to use a long probe to check for decay. The crocodile tells him that he’s too far away and that he needs to put his head down inside the Croc’s mouth. The dentist weeps in despair and says he’s close enough. Just then a lady bursts in and admonishes the Crocodile for playing tricks again. The dentist is hysterical and screams that the Crocodile will eat them all. “Don’t be a twit,” the lady said, and flashed a gorgeous smile. / “He’s harmless. He’s my little pet, my lovely crocodile.”

“Dear friends, we surely all agree…”

Sections: Information | Plot Description | Fun Stuff

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! This song is sung by the Oompa-Loompas after Violet gets turned into a blueberry. They claim that gum chewing is a repulsive habit, almost as bad as picking your nose. They tell the story of Miss Bigelow, who chewed gum constantly. One night, while she was asleep, her jaws just kept chewing. They opened wide and bit her tongue off, and she was dumb from that day on. Hopefully Violet can be saved from a similar fate.

Fun Stuff

“The Crocodile”

Sections: Information | Plot Description | Fun Stuff

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! Crocky-Wock the crocodile is very vile and loves to eat little boys and girls for lunch. He smears the boys with mustard to make them hot, and he coats the girls with butterscotch and caramel to make them sweet. But wait! What’s that I hear creeping up the stair? It’s Crocky-Wock!

Fun Stuff

“The Cow”

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! The narrator wants to tell us about an amazing cow named Miss Milky Daisy. She came to live with him when she was seven months old. She had a funny sort of bump lump on her back. Eventually the lumps started to grow and one day they burst apart and out came gold and silver wings. Daisy was able to fly! Soon she was on television and millions of people came to see her. Most of them were well-behaved, but one man from Afghanistan yelled out, “That silly cow! Hey, listen Daisy! / I think you’re absolutely crazy!” Daisy heard every word and immediately dived towards the man. “Bombs gone!” she cried. “Take that!” she said, / And dropped a cowpat on his head.

“Cinderella”

Sections: Information | Plot Description | Fun Stuff

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! The poem starts out by telling us that the real version of the story is much gorier than the sanitized tale we’ve all heard. It starts out with the Ugly Stepsisters going off to the ball while Cinderella is locked in the cellar. The Magic Fairy hears her cries and grants her wish to attend. Cindy finds herself all dressed up and dancing with the Prince. At midnight she hears the clock and runs off, tearing her dress and losing a slipper. The Prince vows to marry the girl that fits the shoe. Unfortunately he sets it down and one of the Stepsisters flushes it down the toilet. Then she replaces it with her own shoe. The next day the Prince brings it to the house and she triumphantly shows him that it fits. Enraged, the Prince whacks off her head with his sword. “She’s prettier without [it],” he says. He cuts off the second stepsister’s head as well. Cindy hears the commotion and is horrified to learn that her Prince is so violent. Before he can cut offher head, the Magic Fairy appears and offers to grant Cindy one more wish. She says she’s had her fill of princes and money. She just wants a decent man. In the blink of an eye she’s married to a jam-maker and they live happily ever after.

Funstuff

“Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat…”

Sections: Information | Plot Description

Information

Plot Description

Spoiler warning! This song is sung by the Centipede to cheer up Miss Spider, who is sad remembering that Aunt Sponge flushed her father down the plug-hole in the bathtub. In the song, Aunt Sponge laments her heaviness and swears to get thin. But along came the peach and made her far thinner than she intended!