“Goldilocks and the Three Bears”

Sections: Information | Plot Description | Fun Stuff


Plot Description

Spoiler warning! This poem follows the same plot as the traditional story but presents it as if it were a case for a jury. The three bears go for a walk to wait for their porridge to cool, and while they’re gone Goldilocks breaks into their house and eats their food. Then she sits on a precious antique baby’s chair and breaks it to bits (and says a rude word in the process). Afterwards she goes upstairs and walks on all the beds without removing her shoes. The narrator explains that in the traditional story, children are supposed to cheer when this little criminal escapes. In his version, though, Goldilocks gets her comeuppance. “Oh Daddy!” cried the Baby Bear, / “My porridge gone! It isn’t fair!” / “Then go upstairs,” the Big Bear said, / “Your porridge is upon the bed. / But as it’s inside mademoiselle, / You’ll have to eat her up as well!”

Fun Stuff